the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
