the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
