i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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