After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
