we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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