i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
