They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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