guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
