barbara walters just said penis...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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