I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
