Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
