As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
