I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
