you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
