You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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