i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
