I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
