I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
