Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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