Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
