What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
