Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
