I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
