so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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