i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
