Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
