How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
there is glitter all over my balls
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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