i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
