my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
