I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
