I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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