Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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