Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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