I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize