i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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