i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
