I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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