she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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