one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
