normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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