dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
