she was so not down for the gang bang
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
