this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
