Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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