The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
