i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
