cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When are your genitals available?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
