Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
