The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
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My penis needs a shock collar
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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