Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
