You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've blown a few things in my day
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
