So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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