im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
