so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
