I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
