you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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