i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
