WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
