you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize