I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
