my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
