I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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