no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
