I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
