No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
