This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
