when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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