yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pants are for mortals
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
