I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Everyone says I win the strip club
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
