i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
