I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
